I Hate Valentine's Day
by Delia Medina
Summary: "Shizuo looked up at him with a vicious glare as he had his teeth bared in a snarl. But Izaya felt like a truck had hit him, knocking all the air out of him at the sight that he saw. The Monster of Ikebukuro: Shizuo Heiwajima, was crying." (Shizaya)


**Sweet Mother Teresa it's been awhile. Lol I'm sorry for the lack of progress on One Wish chapter eleven is almost done so be prepared for that. And I don't know, updates and stuff are running low. Finals, the holidays and I just had the stomach bug, so I mean inspiration is running thin. But watching Shizaya AMVs on YouTube always makes me want to write something. XD Not to mention, I just recently rewatched Durarara after Christmas. *_***

**And I thought it would be nice to, I don't know, take a different and angsty approach on my favorite paring of all time. So sorry not sorry if it seems ooc. But this fic means a lot to me, personally. Shizuo and Izaya really have a spot in my heart.**

**Shizuo really reminds me of myself because people sometimes don't really see me as a human because of my ungodly temper. And Izaya is a sad and sadistic shit, which I can also relate too. How I feel when I think everyone hates me and wants me dead. And unrequited love and rejection is something I think everyone can relate too. They both hit me in the feels and that's why I think their impact as characters are so well done. Reviews, favorites, and follows are always welcome and appreciated. And with that, I hope you enjoy.**

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><p>Shizuo Heiwajima had finished work just like every other day. He dragged himself home with his eyes low and his cigarette wearing thin. It was like everyday was a repeat of yesterday.<p>

Wake up, smoke, eat, smoke, work, smoke, go home, smoke, sleep, repeat.

Though occasionally he'd cross paths with Izaya which kind of tripped up his schedule, but nonetheless it was usually the same. But, today was the day he hated the most. The day that made him hate himself more than he usually did.

Today was Valentine's Day.

The day was cruel reminder that no one loved him. That he if he died, no one would grieve for him like lover would. Pft. If anything everyone would celebrate his death, knowing the city board wouldn't have to spend tons of money fixing the damage that he caused throughout his chases with Izaya. He knew no one would be waiting for him to return home, so that they could embrace his existence and say sweet loving words to him. Fuck, he was so pathetic that he couldn't even embrace his own existence! He viciously glared at the couples who walked passed him, with their hands intertwined as they were exchanging loving gazes to each other. Oh, how he envied them.

He couldn't even dream of having a lover, because the thought of it was so disgusting and unrealistic. Who would love a monster? Shizuo was well aware that he was disgusting and clearly unfit for anyone to love him. He was unstable. And even if he did end up having a lover, then he would mostly likely end up hurting the only person who was willing to stand by his side. And lately, the depression of these conflicting thoughts have started to hit him much more harder than they usually did. He immediately contacted Shinra about it, who decided to put him on a antidepressant medication to help the numb his pain. Though, Shinra was also extremely concerned since this was so unlike Shizuo and asked him tons of questions of how this started. But Shizuo couldn't really give him an answer.

Because he himself had no idea of how or when this started. He didn't know when these thoughts of loneliness clouded his mind, and he didn't know why.

He just knew that they were there and ready to attack when he least expected it.

Celty pulled the blonde aside once the medicine was prescribed. She was just as worried as Shinra was, if not more. She typed quickly on her phone whipping the message towards her friend.

"What's wrong? I've never seen you so lifeless and depressed before." Shizuo shrugged lazily, as he pulled out a cigarette and placed it in his mouth.

"I don't even know much of it myself."

And with that he returned to work, popping a few pills in his mouth every time the antidepressant said to. But that was two weeks ago.

And now, it was night in Ikebukuro and boy, it sure was cold out too. Though Shizuo didn't mind. He took the long way home and was mindlessly compelled to plop himself down on a worn out playground bench. God he was so pathetic. He needed to get his head out of his ass and keep moving forward like he always has. But, look where that got him. It got him nowhere and it only made his trip to rock bottom much faster. He leaned forward letting his hands hold his bowed head.

He was tired. Oh, so tired of it all. Of being cursed with the face of a monster. Of being hated. Of being alone.

He felt a lump in his throat as he heard from the distance a couples synchronized laughter. Man, that truly was a beautiful sound. A sound he would listen to for eternity if he had the chance. It was so carefree and so warm. He couldn't remember laughing without a crazed passion behind it. Never laughing with ease.

He would have liked to have a lover to grow old with. He would have liked to get married and start a family.

But this city, no- this _world_ wouldn't let him.

Nothing would let him have the fantasy of having a normal and happy life. His bottom lip quivered, a sign that he couldn't hold it in much longer. And after a few minutes of labored breathing, the tears finally broke free, streaming down his face. He racked such violent sobs in his body. This made his shoulders shake and tremble as he couldn't do anything to compose himself anymore. The tears were leaving noticeable trails down his face. He tried baring and clenching his teeth in order to stop the sobs from escaping. But no luck was sought.

How long had it been since he cried? Years? A decade even? Though it felt nice.

It was somewhat refreshing to let it out where no one could see him.

Where no one could hurt him.

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><p><em>"I-I like you!" The thirteen year old Heiwajima stuttered. His face was bright red and his hair was girl that stood in front of him, had her friends listening in the back trying hard not to bust out laughing. The girls blonde curls bounced as she busted out laughing. She just couldn't hold it in anymore, and so her friends did the same. Shizuo's knees were trembling, and he almost felt like he could faint. His chest was pounding so loud from the pain of her laughs. He laugh was like every time she drove the dagger deep.<em>

_"Shizuo, there's no way in hell that I could date you. You flip desks, like every other day. You send people to the hospital every week. Look, that's dangerous. Besides you'd probably crush me if you came anywhere near me." She snickered._

_Shizuo sighed shakily. She was right to laugh. She was right to reject him._

_He was the one that was wrong._

_"I understand... I'm-I'm sorry to have wasted your time." He mumbled. And with that he ran down the hall hearing their laughs until he reached the boys locker room. Once there, he locked the door and he slammed his fist against his locker, denting it completely and making his knuckles bleed. He slid down to his knees cradling his wounded hand and began to cry softly._

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><p>His chestnut eyes were drowning in his tears, erasing that shine and light to them. His hair fell forward, making a curtain of bangs to protect himself from everyone in this city. He was broken. And he knew for a fact that no one in their right mind would dare to fix him. Tears fell down his jaw line and disappeared into the grass, never to be seen again. But as he cried alone in this broken city, he realized something that only made him cry harder.<p>

It was clear to him that whatever omnipotent God that was watching over him, only wanted to see him suffer.

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><p>"Antidepressants?" Izaya asked, with a eyebrow coked and look of disbelief.<p>

Shinra nodded to his friend. "Yeah, the poor guy looked so drained. He clearly is in a state of depression. But the cause of that, is unknown. So I gave him a prescription of antidepressants to help him. Though I haven't heard from him since." He said, leaning back in his chair.

Izaya scanned the ground with a snarl. He hasn't seen the ex bartender in weeks just like Shinra. The monster sure knows how to ruin an informants fun.

No chases, no throwing vending machines, no flickblades, just nothing. Of course Izaya wanted to see what was wrong with the brute. So he could crush him for messing up his way of fun and mayhem, which clearly was an unforgivable act. But depression was the last thing he would consider of being a suspect to Shizuo's lack of presence. Shizuo didn't seem like the type to fall into mental pain that easily.

But then again, maybe that was what he wanted, to have Izaya and the rest of the world think that he was strong and unbreakable. But Izaya knew depression all too well. He would disappear for weeks too. Because hate and loneliness can dampen even the most powerful of souls. He would stay in bed for weeks with little to no food in his system until Shinra sent Celty to retrieve him. The cuts on his wrists from high school were also a reminder that he too was a victim to this emotion. Izaya hated this day just as much as Shizuo did. So run from it? Izaya shook his head, ripping his mind out of the gutter and fluffed up the hood of his coat.

"Well, looks like I'm gonna have to pay Shizu-can a visit." Izaya said, turning towards the door.

Shinra's eyes widened. "Don't do anything to hurt him or make his condition worse!" Shinra snapped, waving a finger at his friend.

Izaya laughed with a grin, opening the door wide open in a overly dramatic manner.

"Don't worry my dear friend, you can most certainly trust me to tame the Monster of Ikebukuro!" And with that he slammed the door with a twisted laugh.

Izaya skipped down the sidewalk, humming an unknown tune. He was excited to see his monster again. He was much better than the average humans which made time with him unpredictable and most definitely enjoyable. Shizuo was unpredictable. An eccentric quality that was hard to come by nowadays.

He turned leading himself into a playground with a flickering street light casting down on a slumped shadow sitting on a bench.

Izaya grinned, as he skipped to the figure, knowing it was his sweet little Shizu-chan. The vulnerable position of him holding his head with his hands caught the raven off guard, but approached him nonetheless.

"Why hello, Shizu-chan! Did ya miss me?~" Izaya cooed.

Shizuo looked up at him with a vicious glare as he had his teeth bared in a snarl. But Izaya felt like a truck had hit him, knocking all the air out of him at the sight that he saw.

The Monster of Ikebukuro: Shizuo Heiwajima, was crying.

Tears fell down the blondes face in two endless streams. His desperate attempt of heaving in and out to try and control his breathing, only made Izaya narrow his eyes at the ex bartender.

"Shizu-chan, why are you crying?" Izaya asked, with genuine curiosity.

Shizuo gave him a nasty glare. "Shut the fuck up and get away from me, you pest! Of all people I don't need you to come and mock me!" Shizuo snapped, trying to contain his deep and strong voice. But the chocking on sobs thing, kiiind of wrecked that. Izaya rolled his eyes and sat next to the confused blonde who had no idea why Izaya hasn't laughed at him yet.

"Who said anything about mocking you? I just simply want to know why your crying." Izaya replied, leaning back and glancing up at the flickering street light.

Shizuo snarled through his tears.

"As if I'd tell you." He snapped. Izaya glared at the blonde.

"Then who will you tell it to?" Izaya asked, with a raised eyebrow. Shizuo's shoulders fell with his snarl fading into a melancholic expression. "No one."

Izaya gave a 'tsk' and rolled his eyes. "That's not healthy, Shizu-chan."

Shizuo whipped his head towards the raven with a sneer.

"As if you'd know anything about being healthy, you fucking flea!" Shizuo snapped, with his voice raised. Izaya smirked.

"True. But I know more than enough about bottling up emotions, protozoan. And trust me, it'll eat you alive before you know it." Izaya said, with a surprisingly serious tone of voice.

Shizuo raised an eyebrow at this, but slumped in his seat. "I just really fucking hate this holiday." Izaya grinned, glancing at the blonde with his crimson eyes glowing with curiosity.

"I sure as hell do too, but you don't see me crying. Your just sad because you don't a have a lover, ne?"

Shizuo growled. "It's not just that, idiot. I can't describe it. I just don't like feeling alone."

Izaya nodded of approval. The protozoans intentions were somewhat reasonable. Though Shizuo wasn't doing a very good job of filling in the blanks of his explanations of pain.

"Hm. Have you ever had a lover before, Shizu-chan?" Izaya asked, as he began to count the stars in the sky. One, two, three...

Silence. Izaya grinned. Of course. "Why do you think that's the case?" Izaya asked, with an exhale. More silence. Four, five six, seven...

Izaya then hopped up and gave a twirl in front of the blonde. "That's your problem, Shizu-chan. You can't even give me a solid answer of why you think your alone. The first thing you should do is figure that out and then-"

"It's because I'm dangerous, that's why." Shizuo snapped, raising his head up to meet the informants eyes. Izaya gave a wide cheshire cat grin. "Bingo, we have a winner! Then the solution to your problem is simple. Try courting with someone that isn't afraid of you." Izaya explained, with a pointed finger. Shizuo bit his lip, as his tears began to fade.

"But...-"

Then Izaya leaned forward feeling Shizuo's shaky breath ghost his skin.

"Why not give me a try?" Izaya whispered, with a seductive tone of voice.

Shizuo's eyes were wide as saucers and his face was now a dark crimson. No. Absolutely not. The blonde gave a disgusted and enraged expression, and he pushed him away.

"That's fucking sick. As if I would ever consider you any more than the piece of shit you are."

Ouch. That hurt a tad. Pft, cmon Izaya. As if Shizuo would ever return the feelings that you have for him. Your a sicko. A joke. And you obviously don't deserve someone like him.

But doesn't he hurt just as much as you hurt him?

_Yeah he does. But that's why I'm so addicted to him._

Izaya's grin faded and he then looked down with a melancholic expression.

"Heh, good answer. I would have said the same thing." Izaya said, taking a step back and brushing himself off. Shizuo rose an eyebrow at the sudden change in the raven haired man. Oh God, don't start feeling guilty for this dick. Izaya has done nothing but harass and annoy him, as if Shizuo all of a sudden would have a change of heart and date him. That's just sick. Right?

"Izaya don't-"

"I wish you luck, Shizuo. I'm sure you'll find someone who will be much more suited than I to be your lover. And I hope you have an enjoy the rest of your Valentine's Day."

Shizuo flinched at the lack of his nickname as it was replaced with his real name instead. He looked down with a pang of guilt. The flea liked him? How in the hell is that even possible? They were supposed to hate each other. Shizuo snapped his head back up. "Izaya, wait! I-"

But the raven haired man was nowhere to be seen. Shizuo whipped his head back and forth, trying to catch sight of him and he even called his name a few times, but received no answer.

Dammit, he was going soft.

Shizuo then stood up quickly and began searching for the little flea. Man, Izaya really knew how to get him going. The sidewalks were crowded as love sick coupes filled the city. But he wasn't interested in them anymore like he was some time before. No. His mind was set on one crimson eyed man and one crimson eyed man alone. And as Shizuo ran down the sidewalk, pushing people out of his way, he began to curse to himself in repeat.

"I really fucking blew it."

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><p>The city looked so small from where Izaya was, as he was perched atop the roof of an old abandoned building. The building was once used as a small color gang hideout, as it was in its former glory. But that was years ago. And now it's an artifact left being of the long since separated and forgotten gang.<p>

Though Izaya didn't really care.

Hell, he didn't even know the name of the gang itself, let alone the gangs history. Though just like Shizuo, Izaya began to cry. He felt numb. He couldn't really feel anything. His instincts just told him to sob and cry. He only felt the staggering words and insults that his conscious threw at him. Though deep down inside Izaya knew he deserved it. He deserved it all for the sick things he's done. Karma is a bitch, am I right?

As if he thought he could capture the brutes heart like he did for him. It was ironic that Shizuo was more humane than Izaya could ever be. And yet Shizuo was still seen as a monster. But for the first time ever, Shizuo was predictable. Izaya knew it was a stretch. And he knew the instant that he leaned forward and spoke, that he was gonna receive nothing but rejection.

It still hurt though. Dear god, it hurt. His chest physically ached as that damn sentence replayed in his mind. Over and over again.

_"That's fucking sick. As if I would ever consider you any more than the piece of shit you are."_

But he deserved it. Of course he did.

He didn't have anyone to lean on anymore. No, all he could do was sit here and accept the fact that he was born alone, and was gonna die that way too. Shinra was too focused on his sweet Celty to care about Izaya anymore. His family hated him, which he didn't blame them for. This world too wanted him dead. And now the only person that really stole Izaya's heart, truly hated him the most. But of course Shizuo hated him. Izaya did nothing but hurt and torture him.

But that was how Izaya was born. He was born to hate rather than love.

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><p><em>"Mama! Look at the picture I drew!" The little five year old Orihara squealed. His mother looked at the messy picture with a sneer.<em>

_"Izaya, mama is working right now. Get that damn picture out of my face and let me finish this."_

_The boy nodded sadly and trotted out of his mothers room. Once Izaya was in the sanctuary of his room, he fell to his knees and began to sob painfully._

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><p><em>"Mom, can you sign this for school?" The twelve year old raven asked. His mother took off his glasses and rose and eyebrow.<em>

_"Excuse me?" She asked. The boy sighed and held out the paper for his mother._

_"It's for a mother-child thing. Mothers Day is in a week and you can bring your mothers to school for the students to show the work they've been doing. I wanted to see if you could go." He asked, being hopeful that his mother would agree to go. He worked really hard this year and he desperately wanted to show his mother his progress. His mom rolled her eyes._

_"I have to go to a meeting that day. Besides, don't you think your a little too old for these things?" She asked, with a sneer._

_Izaya swallowed and nodded numbly. His mother then began typing on her PC like she was before. "Now can you please leave? I have to finish this document by today."_

_"Yes, mom." He mumbled. He shut the door behind him he ran into his room. As he was inside, he ripped up the paper and threw it so it could scatter everywhere on the floor. He slammed his back against the door and slid down. Once he was on the floor he curled himself up and cried for the rest of the night. I guess a mother's love was something he could never have._

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><p>He was designed to bring nothing but hate and chaos to wherever he went. As if he was a wildfire. Yeah, a wildfire. Any life that was brought towards him was burned. It was scorched to flames and he would sit back and watch the fire of hate spread and infect everyone and everything in its path. But now he turned his own hateful fire against his own will and began burning himself. The scars that were spread across his body were a reminder of that. And he couldn't stop it.<p>

"Izaya!" Shizuo called, as he was running up the abandoned stair case that reached the roof.

Izaya froze. Oh, shit. He was gonna get beaten to pulp. How the hell did he find him anyway?! The door slammed open and caused Izaya to flinch, but he still didn't stir. He heard Shizuo's footsteps approach him, but Izaya was still having a hard time hearing because of his own conscious screaming at him to leave. He quickly wiped his tears until his eyes were dry again. Shizuo was heaving, as he was out of breath from running all the way up here.

"Look at me, Izaya." Shizuo sternly, commanded.

Izaya snickered, half heartedly. "Why should I? So you can have a easier time punching my face?"

Shizuo sighed, rolling his eyes with a huff. "I'm not gonna hurt you. I just want you to face me."

Izaya gave an unintentional shaky sigh and faced the man looking down upon him. Shizuo truly was a beautiful and attractive man. Izaya always knew this, even since high school.

"What do you want? I thought you made your intentions clear." Izaya sneered.

Shizuo sighed and bent down in front of the sitting and confused man. "Well, I thought I did. But I didn't hear you out. I-I'm sorry." Shizuo mumbled, sheepishly.

Izaya rolled his eyes and sighed. This was gonna be even more excruciating to say out loud. But he was able to get a second chance. This was now or never. "Yeah, I like you. Like a lot. I didn't exactly know when I came to this conclusion, it just happened. Ironic how I bring you the most pain, yet I can't help falling in love with you, ne?" Izaya explained, as he looked on to his lap rather than the speechless blonde in front of him.

The silence was really making Izaya uncomfortable so he was the one that spoke up. "What made you come back?"

Shizuo then cleared his throat, trying to cover up his bright red blush and shock from the informants confession.

"Your face." Shizuo bluntly stated. Izaya rose an eyebrow with confusion etched on his features.

"Um? Excuse me?" Izaya asked, with a wondering voice. Shizuo tugged at his hair, nervously.

"W-Well. You just looked so hurt that I felt like I needed to hear what you really had to say. And I'm glad I came." Shizuo said, as he tilted the informants head up so that his chestnut eyes would meet his crimson ones. Izaya bit his bottom lip, but nodded nonetheless.

"Yeah, I'm glad you came too."

The awkwardness between the two really was suffocating, but their eyes did most of the talking. Shizuo never realized how bright and eccentric Izaya's eyes. They were... Mesmerizing. Like, really mesmerizing. And so was the way his lips were slightly parted. Shizuo's eyes made its way down the mans lips and focused on them.

No wonder the little flea got everything he wanted, with only a bat of an eye and flick of a tongue. Shizuo's body started getting really hot, even though it was freezing outside. His mouth and throat have gone dry and his vision seemed to go hazy and dazed. He seemed oblivious to the struggle that Shizuo was going through to try not and fall for the stupid fleas hypnotic spell.

"Shizu-chan?" Izaya asked, with a raised eyebrow.

And with the sound of the smaller mans voice, Shizuo's resistance and will power had shattered. Shizuo gripped the collar of Izaya's fur trimmed coat and smashed his lips into his, all in a swift movement.

Izaya squeaked with a surprised noise from the back of his throat.

Izaya gave a muffled moan, but complied as he leaned forward, so that there was no space between them. Shizuo's chest was pressed against Izaya's, with one hand rubbing the small of his back and the other entangling in his hair.

Shizuo laced his tongue on Izaya's bottom lip, asking for permission. Izaya hesitated, but parted his lips nonetheless, accepting Shizuo in his mouth.

Shizuo's tongue grazed every inch of the mans mouth, with genuine care and curiosity. Once he couldn't hold his breathe anymore, he pulled back and placed his lips against Izaya's neck. Izaya gave a soft whine as Shizuo brought his teeth to graze his soft skin. Izaya shivered as Shizuo began nibbling against the crevice of his neck.

Izaya dipped his head back with a moan, letting Shizuo lean forward even further and bring his lips up to his ear. Shizuo licked and nibbled on his ear lobe, causing Izaya to moan out the blondes name. Shizuo grinned, as he desired to hear the informants voice more. Shizuo encircled his arms around the raven haired man and began to cradle him. They rocked back and forth, and Izaya liked this feeling. It felt like the world was slowing down just for them.

Shizuo whispered sweet words into the mans ear, making Izaya grin and blush.

Izaya then brought the blondes face towards him with both hands on both sides of his face. The blondes eyes were completely focused and transfixed on the male. He mumbled some I love you's on his lips making Shizuo flutter his eyes closed with such content. Izaya then brought his hands to slip under the blondes collared shirt.

"Your a sweet one aren't you?" The information whispered on the other mans lips, as Shizuo gave a soft moan, surprised on how skilled the ravens hands were. Izaya brought his hands to his bare back from under his vest making Shizuo tilt his head back.

Izaya then circled his hands back and placed a hand directly over Shizuo's racing heart. His skin was so hot to the touch. The informant felt the racing heartbeat between his fingers.

"Do I turn you on, Shizu-chan?" Izaya whispered seductively, as he propped himself up to drag his lips a against the mans jawline. Shizuo's muffled moan and weak nod, as an answer excited Izaya even more.

Once his lips left Shizuo's flushed skin, they looked right into each other's eyes. Shizuo brought his hand, to graze and caress the informants cheek. Izaya brought his hand and placed it over his as the brought his thumb to graze under his eye. It was then that Izaya realized that he was crying.

"W-Why are you crying?" Shizuo asked, still out of breath. Izaya smiled bittersweetly.

"Because I'm happy." He bluntly answered. Shizuo chuckled at this and leaned forward saying this before he met his lips with his again, "I am too, Izaya. More than you could ever know."

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><p><strong>GAHHHH. THE FEELS AND THE NOSEBLEEDS. *dead*<strong>

**Lol this fanfic is definitely, I think, is the most emotional I've ever written. I love these two with a burning fiery passion and I'm so fucking excited to see what season two has in store for us.**

**Please review, favorite and follow. I love you guys and see ya till next time! :D**


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